Jason Relaxes
by MatsuHerO
Summary: All Jason Voorhees wants is a little peace and quiet. Can he get it?


Jason stalked Camp Crystal Lake. Once again, there were trespassers on his property and they had to be dealt with. Mother wanted him to take care of them, after all. That was always what she wanted and he knew he wouldn't be able to rest until they were gone. He was watching a pair of them now, walking through the woods and holding hands. They were being quiet, which he preferred. It was easier to tolerate them when they were being quiet, easier to wait for them. The pair of campers walked to the lake, his lake, and one of them took off their clothes. A boy. He jumped into the water and Jason walked towards it, keeping an eye on what was undoubtedly a girl. She was still being quiet, but the boy was being loud and splashing and Jason felt knives in his skull. Mother wanted him to deal with both of them, especially the boy. The girl seemed not to want to go into the lake and he heard her whisper his name. He ignored it and walked into the water until he was right below the boy, who was still being loud and splashing. He reached up and grabbed each of the boy's legs and pulled him apart. The boy's screams went quiet, and so Jason climbed onto the dock. The girl was screaming now, too, and she tried to run. He reached out and dragged her towards him, and then slammed her face into the dock repeatedly until there was only mush.

It was quiet now. In the distance, there were lights. If he went towards them, he knew there'd be more people. More talking. More screaming. He stalked towards the light, Mother urging him forward. It was a campfire, and they were singing. It was almost a pleasant sound, but it was far too loud. He stood outside the circle of light, hidden in darkness, and tried to count the people. A boy. Another boy. A girl. Another girl. Another girl. He tried to count them, tried to pull the memory from his damaged brain. He remembered Mother teaching him. He remembered one. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five people. Jason had to kill five more, and then it'd be dark and quiet and he could rest. For now he had to wait. He could have killed them all, right there, but it would be too loud. Far too loud.

A boy left. One of the girls said something, but the boy didn't reply. He went into the woods and unzipped his pants and was in the middle of relieving himself when Jason stepped behind him. The boy said, "Couldn't wait for me to get back, Katie?" He didn't bother looking back. Jason reached out and pulled his skull back, hearing a snap, and then forced it into the tree. The boy fell to the ground. Jason counted. Four. Four left.

He went back to the campfire and watched the remaining four. One of the girls seemed worried. The other boy and another girl were sitting next to each other, touching each other. The other girl seemed wrong. She looked wrong. She was very loud. Jason ignored her for now, the other boy and the girl were walking towards a tent. Still touching. Mother told him they were going to do sinful things with that touching. Jason knew that this couldn't be allowed and he followed them back to their tent. He heard familiar sounds coming from within and cocked his head. He didn't know about pleasure. He could only remember pain. He felt a brief flash of anger at this and took his machete and slashed at the tent. Someone screamed, the girl, who wasn't wearing any clothes. The boy wasn't, either, but his throat was cut. He wasn't screaming anymore. Jason tore open the tent and stepped on the boy's head, smashing it. The girl tried to back away, but Jason made a precision strike with his machete. He knew exactly where to hit her to make her stop screaming. Two left.

He went back to the campfire. The girl that looked wrong was gone. Something in the back of his head recognized this as being imminent trouble, but he ignored it. The other girl was sitting on the log, hopefully. When he stepped into the circle of firelight, she looked up at him and smiled. She patted the seat next to her. "Hello. You must be Jason. I'm Katie. Won't you sit?"

He didn't. He cocked his head at her and she laughed. "Of course. I'll come to you."

She walked towards him. This felt wrong. Usually, they were going the other way. If they were coming towards him, they were making loud noises at him and hurting him. She wasn't. One of her hands touched him. The maggots beneath his skin shifted uncomfortably. The girl smiled. "I've heard all about you, Jason. I think I'm in love."

She stood on her tiptoes and tried to remove his mask. His free hand went to keep it in place, but it was stuck there anyway. Katie giggled. "Shy, aren't you? I know you like me, too. I know because I'm still alive."

Jason had no idea what was going on with this girl, who was now removing her clothes. What was going on here? He tightened his grip on his machete. The girl came close to him and tried to climb on him. What was she doing? He was done. He grabbed her by the hair and yanked her off, throwing her to the ground. She screamed and Jason's confusion lifted. He knew what this was. She tried to crawl away from him. "I thought you loved me!"

Jason remembered that word. He loved Mother. This girl was not Mother. He kicked her onto the still-burning campfire. She started screaming louder and tried to get away, but this Katie wouldn't survive. Jason picked up a log and impaled her with it, driving it into the ground and sticking her to the spot. He walked away as she screamed, burning to death. All that was left was the one that looked wrong. He looked towards the nearest house. They were always in the nearest house. He started walking there when something hit him square in the chest, staggering him. The girl floated from the sky.

The girl was holding something, some kind of magic wand. "In the name of my master, I'll punish you!"

Jason cocked his head and felt another hit. It was new, but novelty wasn't much of a distraction for him. He walked towards her and she began to fly towards him when another energy blast came out of nowhere and the mightest man Jason had ever seen descended from the sky. For the first time in his life, Jason felt something like respect for someone other than his mother. He cupped his hands and let out another blast and when he spoke, Jason almost knew joy. Someone else was with him, a pale man in a cape.

"Jason Voorhees! I"m Matsu Her-O, and this is my friend, the Bat-Joke," said the man.

"Charmed," said the Bat-Joke, who was the Joker in a Batman-like costume. They were brothers, both in real life and in arms.

"That was a lesser Senshi, a normal human given powers by the evil Sailor Moon and her dread master," said Matsu, making a fist and looking pensive. "Jason, I have a lot of teenage girls to kill and I'd like your expertise in doing so!"

"Matsu, you may want to rephrase that," said the Bat-Joke. "Killing teenagers is no joke, and I should know."

"Oh! Sailor Moon and her Senshi all look like teenage girls and I'm going to kill them all," said Matsu. "To save the Fictosphere. Jason Voorhees, come with me!"

Matsu held out his hand and Jason could hear his mother telling him that this man could be trusted, that his cause was just. Jason took Matsu's hand. He didn't know half the words that had just been said to him, and didn't know if he'd die for this man, but would certainly kill for him.

"Keen! Back to the Armageddon Zebra," said Matsu, and all three heroes teleported back to the ship.


End file.
